Sweet Poison

I am quitting sugar.

(Stay with me people...this might not be pretty)

Not only am I quitting sugar (Lord, help me), 

but I am doing it during the holidays.

If there was any question before,

we can now be certain I am crazy :)

Last year i was diagnosed with an auto immune thyroid disease

called Hashimoto's Disease.

My immune system thinks my thyroid hormones are 

enemies and is out to destroy them.

After a diagnosis with Acute Thyroiditis 11 years ago

I enjoyed 10 years of eating whatever I wanted and not gaining an ounce. I actually lost weight.

Not gonna lie...it was awesome.

(except for the occasional racing heart or sleepless night)

But all good things come to an end.

Acquiring Hashimoto's is not uncommon once you have

had an overactive thyroid.

After a lot of research on diet, and trying synthetic thyroid medication 

( which did NOT agree with me),

I became gluten-free last January.

(yes, me, who loved my carbs, gave up bread, cakes, and anything that contained wheat, barley, rye or spelt...a LOT of things).

The gluten molecule so closely resembles the thyroid moleule 

that it sends the anti-bodies into overdrive and kills thethyroid sooner.

But back to sugar...

Since going gluten-free, I have compensated for my loss 

of all things flour, with cheese,

and sugar.

Only to do more research and discover that sugar is equally as

detrimental to auto-immune sufferers as gluten.

Why?

Sugar causes inflammation (something that auto-immune sufferers have to fight all the time)

Not only that,

"Sugar, table sugar, is 50:50 glucose and fructose, and it's the fructose that's the major worry (although glucose isn't entirely guilt free). Specifically, it's the unique way our body processes fructose. Unlike glucose, fructose is not released into our bloodstream to be used up by our cells for energy. It heads straight to our liver, the ONLY organ in our body that can process it. Here it undergoes a complex metabolism that, in short, ends in the release of triglycerides (fatty acids) into our liver. Bluntly, it's converted into fat. Very quickly. Fatty liver is what induces insulin resistance (IR), the underlying cause of type 2 diabetes and heart disease." 

Maria Hannaford econest.blogspot.com

There is a lot more research and I won't bore you with it, but it was enough to convince me to give sugar the boot.

I will keep you posted on the progress.

Yesterday was day one, and judging from the monumental headache I had all day,

I am pretty addicted.

(Great.)

The only good news...sugar makes you fat, because it signals the liver to produce cholesterol and fat.  Guess what DOESN'T make you fat when you give up sugar...

Fat! As in butter, cream, meats, etc.

That stuff keeps your cells supple and healthy

(Given you don't make it the only thing in your diet and you eat lots of veggies, too).

Stay tuned!

THANKFUL

The irony is...

When I used to have more, 

I was afraid I would never have enough.

Now that I have less,

I am thankful for the amazing blessings I have.

Funny how life works that way.

I am reminded that one of the greatest blessings in life

is that with pain

we learn to appreciate joy.

With loss,

we learn to love what is here.

With mistakes,

we learn the blessing of second chances.

When we feel most alone,

we learn to trust our Spirit.

I used to look at the world with great sadness for the

turmoil, hate and greed

that seems as if it is everywhere.

It never made sense to me that a loving God 

would allow cancer, death, financial hardship,

genocide...

But now I see that without the tragedies

of our world,

we wouldn't appreciate the beauty.

Without sadness and grief, we wouldn't appreciate

happiness and love.

As we gather with our families this week,

undoubtedly there will be resentments,

annoyances, hurt feelings and

old roles that we play.

But, remember,

because of that, we will appreciate more, the

laughter, the hugs, the heart-to-hearts

and the sweetness of being together

as family.

Happy Thanksgiving all...be grateful.

The Mirror Has Two Faces

I had a wonderful lesson in friendship this weekend

Often, I feel like everything tells us girls that our women friends

need to constantly lift us up, make us feel good about ourselves,

boost our egos and listen to our drama without judgement.

That does make a pretty good friend, I must say

But

what about the friend who helps you look in the mirror

to see your face from her point of view.

The one who keeps you honest, even when you aren't being honest with yourself.

The one who calls you on your crap, let's you know you arent' really fooling anyone

with your facade, and who isn't going to let you 

keep lying to yourself.

I can see what you are thinking

eeeck! toxic friend!

And, yes, some of them are.

But what would you think if I told you that a true soulmate

isn't the person who you always groove with,

the one where everything is in sync and you finish each other's thoughts.

What if I told you that your  REAL soulmate

is put in your path to show you the lessons you need to learn in this lifetime.

The person who is strong where you are weak, and weak where you are strong.

The one who you disagree with hurt each others feelings, even if it 

wasn't intentional.

What if that true soulmate, or friend

sometime made you a little bit crazy.

WE 

are all each other's teachers

Makes you think a little bit differently about your reltationships

doesn't it.

What if tomorrow,

you looked at your more difficult relationships

(not abusive, mind you...in that case run fast in the opposite direction)

and you saw those people as teacher's

that God has intentionally put on your path

so you could learn your life's lessons.

So you could see your other reflection in the mirror

It's Not You...It's Me

I was somewhat publicly "dissed" on Facebook recently.

It felt like Junior High all over again...

you know, that instant reaction where you feel it right between your gut and your heart.

The one that makes you want to shrink into a little hole of darkness and not 

come out for, say, a year.

I hate that feeling...

Thank goodness we didn't have Facebook and Twitter and text messaging when I was going through school.

It's hard enough to help a 13 year old navigate it.

And the thing is...the person who did it is not entirely wrong.

I kinda get where they were coming from.

Doesn't make it hurt any less...

So the question for me was...how to react?

I was hurt...that kind of hurt that feels like embarrassment and  shame.

And shame is the worst of all of the feelings, in my opinion.

I was pissed...that kind of mad when you want to say

"You got a problem with me, talk to me about it 

(or at least private message me on Facebook, don't do the transparent passive-aggressive public post)"

Say something or let it go...that is the question.

Obviously, I am not letting it go because I am writing about it...

however, my caveat is that I am writing about letting go, 

so maybe you can give me  half-credit.

In all of my meditation  and spiritual work over the past  few years

I have studied, read, prayed and meditated on letting go...

letting go of fears, letting go of resentments, letting go of all the rocks I have been carrying 

around in my backpack that have weighed me down for a long, long time,

and that weren't really mine to carry in the first place...

(special thanks to my sister for giving me that gem of a mental picture...I use it all the time)

I'm doing pretty well, thank you very much!

But as life goes...just when you think you have it figured out,

the universe likes to give you a little "test"

You think you've let go...okay let's just see...

Zing! Ouch!!!!

Can I control what someone else says? Nope.

Can I control what they do? Nope.

(which really bites when you are a parent!).

Are they wrong? Not necessarily and it's a matter of opinion...

Can I control how I react? BINGO!

Crap, this is hard!

So, my reaction is this...

It's really none of my business.

Even though there is a part of me that would love to send back a snarky remark,

or get all jacked up and speak my peace (which wouldn't really be very peaceful)

...what would that really accomplish?

Would I feel better? Maybe for a minute or two, I'm not gonna lie...but it wouldn't last.

And I have learned that getting defensive doesn't suit me very well.

Plus it causes frown lines and wrinkles and even though I have stuff for that,

no need to encourage them. :)

It's none of my business how someone else feels,

unless I have purposely done something to make them feel bad.

It's none of my business what someone else does, 

or who agrees with them, 

What is my business is how I choose to respond,

and how I choose to treat my fellow man.

In this case, it IS all about me.

I have decided to adopt a little something that my daughter wrote

yesterday as she was making anti-bullying posters for her homeroom project.

She's been dealing with some of her own drama 

typical middle school girls stuff, made worse by the invention of 

text messaging, and still she gets it better than I do!

"Words can hurt or words can heal. What did your words do today?"

Kids are smarter than we are sometimes, aren't they...

My healing words today?

Heal some people with your words today, friends...

it's the only way to live.

The Education of a Lifetime

Willing to experience aloneness,

I discover connection everywhere;

Turning my face to fear,

I meet the warrior who lives within me;

Opening to my loss and pain and ignorance,

I remember who I am and what I am here for;

Surrendering into emptiness,

I find fullness without end.

Each condition I flee pursues me,

Each condition I welcome transforms me

and becomes itself transformed

into the blessing it always was.

-Jennifer Welwood

Read it again. Let it sink in...

I know, right.

If I could have written anything that describes the massive shift in thinking and the 

learning I have had over the past few years, 

this is it.

This is everything.

I wish I had written those words, but I know I never would have gotten them quite as right as

Jennifer Welwood did.

I wish I could thank her

because I intend to read this poem every day and make it

my mantra.


What have I learned?
I have learned to meditate 
(my husband is so rolling his eyes right now, but it is both one of the most difficult and the most natural things I have ever done)
I have learned to listen to myself and trust my gut
because the gut never lies.
I have learned that it is okay not to please everyone
and its even okay to not please anyone
if you are being true to yourself
I have learned that everything really does happen for a reason
and hard times make you better
if you let them.
I have learned to take every experience in my life as an 
education.
I have learned that even though it is harder than anything I have ever done,
letting my children experience losing, hate, disappointment, grief, hurt
and consequences
will help them grow and become empathetic and mature adults
(I hope)


I have learned that I believe in karma
and that belief is what gives me integrity.
I have learned that resentments and anger
are carnivores who eat you alive
and forgiveness is your only saviour.
I have learned that we are not alone,
that we are loved more than we could ever imagine
by a God who wants us to find
our true selves by walking our own path
even if that path is long and twisty and full of roadblocks.
I have learned to believe in signs, that there are no coincidences,
and that the greatest love you can have
is the love you have for yourself.


But most of all,
I have learned
that although there are no guarantees and that we will all hurt, struggle,
fall and bleed...
it is our choice whether we
suffer.

Spare Me The Drama

Sooo...I am not even sure how to start this or what to write. How's that for a good blog post!!

Maybe it is because I have a 13 year old daughter

that the whole subject of girls and drama keeps coming up

I was explaining to my daughter (much to her annoyance)

about girls and drama and she could not have been less interested

which I totally get

Surely, if my own mother had tried to spew her years of wisdom all over me at that age 

I would have done the same thing.

But I  kept thinking about the conversation

and how I am fascinated that as women

we still have the ability to create middle school drama

even at our ages, with all that we have learned.

(Trust me, I am so not sitting on a high horse here...I am as guilty as the rest of us)

I have been on quite a spiritual journey over the past three years...

That kind of happens when your life as you know it completely turns on its ear and 

everything you thought you knew, could count on, and all of your security

is suddenly gone.

I am 180 degrees from where I was then, and I wouldn't go back for anything...

yet, I can still sling some drama around when I want to.

And I don't even LIKE drama!

WHY do we DO it?

I AM 44, but I can only take this hormone thing for so many rides around the block before the wheels come off

and I am not allowed  drive it anymore.

So what is it besides that that turns us wonderful, accomplished, spiritual,

self-adjusted women into

snarky middle schoolers at the drop of a catty remark?

I hear it all the time...women my age

taking offense, being "disturbed", jumping to conclusions...and on and on and on and on....

Maybe we all need to chill ( no really)

and think about this a minute

Wouldn't it be a much happier place to live in a drama-free world?

Because,really, we create it ourselves. 

It never really is about the other person...its about US

where we feel we are lacking, where we are afraid we are weak, 

how we fear being discovered...
You get that, right?
It's about US
And when other women, girls...cripes, even husbands, are dramatic,
It's about THEM.
THEM, not YOU
IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU
If I had been armed with that knowledge in middle school...
Heck, if I had figured that out a year ago it would have been nice.
Stop taking everything so personally girls...


This play has dragged on long enough
and I am ready to tear down the set and
move on to the cast party...