HUMBLE...with a capital H

I am not often truly humbled...

Today I am HUMBLED.

It takes a lot of years to learn the lessons I have learned in life.

I wish I had learned so many of them earlier...it would  have saved me so much pain,

but then again, I would not have learned the lessons

were it not FOR the pain.

All the mistakes, the wrongs I have done,

the people I have hurt, the people who have hurt me...

the disappointments, the disasters,

the really, really hard lessons,

the fear and the fallouts

They were all necessary to get me to here.

Each one of them has been a part of my personal, monogrammed path

to the person I am today.

How I wish this girl was perfect!

Alas...she is not. She is a FAR cry from 

PERFECTION...

She is a little more weathered than perfect, 

but thanks to good skincare, she has masked that a little :)

What she is...after all of of the 

quizzes and tests of life

the A's and B's and F's

is 44 years of 

GRATEFUL.

I like Facebook (okay...some might say I am slightly addicted...Ty...)

it's a lot of good things...

but, by far, the best of Facebook is the 

birthday greetings from friends far and wide.

I am unbelievably humbled as I read the messages from people I 

love and admire...and some I only know slightly.

And I realize that what it is 

ALL ABOUT

in this messed up world we live upon

is LOVE AND GRATITUDE.

so I say 

THANK YOU

to everyone who has crossed my path,

to those of you who have been my teachers

in the school of life. 

to those who have showed me what love is,

and even to those who have shown hate, resentment and disgust

you have all been a part of the lessons

of 44 years of one little life.

If I have

ONE WISH

today

It is that you take a look at your life

Take stock of the good, the bad and the ugly...the blessings and the banes

and realize everything has been a lesson

 have gratitude for every part of it

EVERY PART

For every one of those things has made you who you are today.

And today, you all ROCK!

Okay.... I will stop before the sappiness is RUNNING off of me :) 

Blessing dear friends.  

Sometimes I have an inner struggle with what I do for a career and what I believe in for myself.

Everything I do for my career has to do with 

OUTER BEAUTY

clothing and skincare (abeit, GREAT clothing and amazing skincare)

Everything I believe about my life, my friends and my family

is that more important than anything we must have 

INNER BEAUTY

faith...spirituality...peace...self-love...generosity...compassion...

Am I a total hypocrite? Unbelievably shallow?

 I would like to think not, but trust me...I have ahead a few conversations with myself about this very thing.

How can I do what I do and believe what I believe?

Well...I am a firm believer that the most beautiful people are shining their light from the inside.  You know what I am talking about...those people who seem to glow...who may not be model-worthy, or stunning, but who have that something that you can't pt your finger on, that makes them

well, beautiful.

Then there are those who have beauty inside them, but they just don't know it yet. They have let their outsides determine how they feel on the inside. They are hiding their inner and their outer beauty behind bad skin, or unflattering clothes because they can't see it for themselves.

Or

they feel so bad about their outsides that they don't think anyone would care about their insides.

Then there are the rest

The ones who everyone else looks at as fairly put-together, capable and good-hearted...

but who let small things about our appearance become excuses for why they are not engaging fully in the world.

Admit it...you have had a pimple...a bad hair day...a "nothing to wear day"

and you have let it affect your entire mood. you have let it ruin your day.

I know you are not proud if it! I'm not either!

And we all do it!

Am I saying that a fab new jacket will change your life, or wrinkle-fighting cream will

make you the Queen of Sheba?

Nope...that would be totally pathetic and shameless pandering for sales on my part.

Not gonna do it.

What I AM saying is that we need to stop letting these things be excuses for not being our best selves.

If you don't like something...you OWE it to yourself, to the UNIVERSE to figure out what it is. If it is holding you back there is 

NO SHAME 

in doing something about it.  WE are real people here. 

As much as I admire Mother Theresa 

(she is truly one of my heroes)

I am NEVER going to be that selfless...I am ALWAYS going to want that pair of jeans that makes my ass look amazing. Let's be real...

Because I know that realistically...

when I feel good, I am good.

I feel amazing.

I have confidence...I am suddenly a hyped-up version of my normal self and 

stepping out of my little zone of comfort

is an adventure rather than an anxiety trip.

Even more...I FEEL that I have a purpose

 (and we ALL do dear girls! There are  no accidents...you are HERE for a REASON and the you who is hiding behind those excuses is keeping you from finding your true purpose on this earth!)

Now...I FULLY realize that at this point I may be losing some of you. 

am I saying that to feel good you need to have a size 6 little fanny that looks like 

Jennifer Aniston in a pair of jeans?

(I know you are thinking that!!)

NOOOOO!!!

Trust me.. one of the most beautiful women I know is a size 16.

She is gorgeous...stunning... on the inside and the outside and she

GLOWS...always.

Ask my husband...he thinks so too...

this is not about size, so don't go there!

The message here??

Do whatever little thing you have to do

whether it is hair, or makeup

or skincare or clothes

running a 5K, reading a book, eating well

praying, meditating

or even getting  a tattoo

Whatever it is...

IT IS NOT

superficial...flighty...shallow...weak...conceited

or materialistic.

And it is not little...

IT IS ESSENTIAL!!!

It's your doorway.

It's your gateway...opening up to the path... to the

BE YOU iful

YOU who lives behind the skin.

SHINE THROUGH

The Universe wants your best self to 

STEP UP. JOIN IN.

MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

We'll notice!!

You are amazing, dear girl. 

Let your light shine!

Fear Of Flying

I fell in love with this quote by Marianne Williamson a few years ago.  It is a great quote, and I love what it says...but how easy is it, really? I mean, YOU BET..Who am I NOT to be gorgeous, talented and fabulous? If only it were that easy!

Welll...I am a 44 year old woman who sometimes feels like a 14 year old. Awkward, unconfident, scared of change, afraid to stand out..and on and on and on.

How do we ever really get over this inner middle schooler?

I have one...I can relate to how she feels on many a day...it's just that I can't get away with it any more!

FEAR...

I am an expert.

I have perfected the inner dialogue that talks me out of being this fabulous, gorgeous and talented woman.

I have become paralyzed by it. I have done things I am not proud of because if it. I have let it stop me from doing great things and I have let it win too many times.

And I have a pretty ordinary life. One not full of tragedy, one of happiness, most of the time,

but I can't honestly say I am living my best life.

Have I reached my potential? Far from it.

My goal this year is not to fight fear. It is not to overcome it. It isn't to surpress it, to trample it, to get by it or even to let go if it...

instead...

I SURRENDER.

Have I completely lost my mind? Probably...

But...I surrender to my fears, every one of them...

and I

might even

THANK THEM...

for showing me what I need to work on, 

for showing me just where I need to jump...

where I am weak.

my 

BIGGEST FEAR?

What people will think of me.

Totally lame, I know. But how many of us are paralyzed by what we are afraid others will think?

Don't lie to yourself!

you want another one?

Fear of success.

Yep. 

REALLY lame!

Another one...

HUGE fear of lack of financial security.

That one keeps me up at night sometimes.

My dear friend Denise ran a marathon today.

She was sick the entire run. Really sick.

This is a person who says she is going to do something and she ALWAYS does it.

That's just her.  I REALLY admire that quality.

She finds a way...she guts it out.

Earlier today I complimented her for her mental toughness

because she finished the race in spite of how terrible she felt.

Then I sat down to write this and I realized that REALLY what she did is

SURRENDER.

She knew she was not going to feel better until the race was over. She knew she COULD quit and she WANTED to quit. She had all sorts of conversations in her head about why she shouldn't.  She probably could have tried to muscle her way through it

but that would have only made it HARDER.

She SURRENDERED to it. 

I am sure it 

SUCKED.

I am sure I would have quit were I in the same situation.

She surrendered.

She walked some, she ran some, she cried, she thought about all the people she was running for...

and she finished.

She did it anyway. Despite the fear, the pain, and the suck.

What excuse do I have when one of my biggest fears is just what other people will think of me.

They say fear is a great motivator...use it to motivate you to overcome

but that never works for me...

I have decided I have to honor it.  If I fight it, I only give it more power.

And it is powerful enough without my stoking its fire any.

I can feel it's weight on my chest just talking about it.

I will

HONOR FEAR, SURRENDER TO IT, 

WAVE AT IT as I RUN BY,  and SAY A PRAYER or two

 to powers stonger than me to guide me along

then I am going to do what I want 

ANYWAY.

I might even write it a thank you note when it is all said and done.

P. S.  Even bigger fear...posting this on Facebook for everyone to see...so here goes...