Fear Of Flying

I fell in love with this quote by Marianne Williamson a few years ago.  It is a great quote, and I love what it says...but how easy is it, really? I mean, YOU BET..Who am I NOT to be gorgeous, talented and fabulous? If only it were that easy!

Welll...I am a 44 year old woman who sometimes feels like a 14 year old. Awkward, unconfident, scared of change, afraid to stand out..and on and on and on.

How do we ever really get over this inner middle schooler?

I have one...I can relate to how she feels on many a day...it's just that I can't get away with it any more!

FEAR...

I am an expert.

I have perfected the inner dialogue that talks me out of being this fabulous, gorgeous and talented woman.

I have become paralyzed by it. I have done things I am not proud of because if it. I have let it stop me from doing great things and I have let it win too many times.

And I have a pretty ordinary life. One not full of tragedy, one of happiness, most of the time,

but I can't honestly say I am living my best life.

Have I reached my potential? Far from it.

My goal this year is not to fight fear. It is not to overcome it. It isn't to surpress it, to trample it, to get by it or even to let go if it...

instead...

I SURRENDER.

Have I completely lost my mind? Probably...

But...I surrender to my fears, every one of them...

and I

might even

THANK THEM...

for showing me what I need to work on, 

for showing me just where I need to jump...

where I am weak.

my 

BIGGEST FEAR?

What people will think of me.

Totally lame, I know. But how many of us are paralyzed by what we are afraid others will think?

Don't lie to yourself!

you want another one?

Fear of success.

Yep. 

REALLY lame!

Another one...

HUGE fear of lack of financial security.

That one keeps me up at night sometimes.

My dear friend Denise ran a marathon today.

She was sick the entire run. Really sick.

This is a person who says she is going to do something and she ALWAYS does it.

That's just her.  I REALLY admire that quality.

She finds a way...she guts it out.

Earlier today I complimented her for her mental toughness

because she finished the race in spite of how terrible she felt.

Then I sat down to write this and I realized that REALLY what she did is

SURRENDER.

She knew she was not going to feel better until the race was over. She knew she COULD quit and she WANTED to quit. She had all sorts of conversations in her head about why she shouldn't.  She probably could have tried to muscle her way through it

but that would have only made it HARDER.

She SURRENDERED to it. 

I am sure it 

SUCKED.

I am sure I would have quit were I in the same situation.

She surrendered.

She walked some, she ran some, she cried, she thought about all the people she was running for...

and she finished.

She did it anyway. Despite the fear, the pain, and the suck.

What excuse do I have when one of my biggest fears is just what other people will think of me.

They say fear is a great motivator...use it to motivate you to overcome

but that never works for me...

I have decided I have to honor it.  If I fight it, I only give it more power.

And it is powerful enough without my stoking its fire any.

I can feel it's weight on my chest just talking about it.

I will

HONOR FEAR, SURRENDER TO IT, 

WAVE AT IT as I RUN BY,  and SAY A PRAYER or two

 to powers stonger than me to guide me along

then I am going to do what I want 

ANYWAY.

I might even write it a thank you note when it is all said and done.

P. S.  Even bigger fear...posting this on Facebook for everyone to see...so here goes...