Light in the Darkness

Just this once,

let's assume our friends and acquaintances do not have motives.

Let's assume that our loved ones are doing the best they can.

And let's assume that we have no real idea of what is going on in their lives.

In their homes and in their heads.

Before we jump to conclusions about why they said what they said,

or did what they did,

let's stop.

Stop assuming, stop blaming.

Stop getting "offended"

(don't get me started on how much I hate that word)

By God, stop calling each other and telling each other off.

It's madness...and it doesn't help anyone.

Let's maybe start having a little compassion for the struggles

others might be going through that we know nothing about.

A little empathy for their insecurities and their fears that may be

causing them to act the way they are.

A little love for the parts of themselves they seem to hate.

As I have said so many times...usually those things

that irk us about someone else...

the things that make us a little bit crazy,

or really tick us off.

Those are the things we need to take a long, hard look in the the mirror at ourselves about.

Because they aren't about our friends.

They are about us.

Where WE are insecure.

What WE fear.

And WE know we are just doing the best WE can to get through each day too.

WE would love a little compassion and understanding about our weaknesses and our self-loathing.

So...

given the chance today,

will you spread some light for someone in the same pain you are in

or will you leave them in the dark room of their soul.

My favorite prayer from St. Francis of Assisi has these lines...

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek

to be consoled as to console;

to be understood as to understand;

to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;

it is in pardoning that we are pardoned...

How I wish I lived this every day and in every situation, but I don't.

Ask my children! 

I am trying. I am only human.

We're doing the best we can.

I just try to make my best today, better than yesterday.

God Bless...

Notes to My 20 Year Old Self

Recently I saw a You Tube video about a girl

talking to he 16 year old self about tanning and skin cancer.

For some reason it keeps creeping into my mind.

Not the skin cancer thing,

rather, what I would say if I could talk to myself at a younger age.

I decided that 20 was a much good age to start...I might get a thing or two.

At 16 I was only worried about my friends, my hair

and what I would wear to school the next day.

And passing my driver's exam.

At 20, I could have used this advice.

I probably would not have listened.

Maybe life experience is given to us in small doses for a reason.

We're really not supposed to get it all at once.

And we all have to go through some crap to get to where we are supposed to go.

BUT...

if that 20 year old (who thinks she knows it all all ready)  were to listen, this is what I would tell her...

1. There is a spirit and soul inside of you that is all ready perfect. Stop beating yourself up for not being who or what other people think you should be. You will save a lot of time...and therapy.

2. Do what you LOVE...the rest will follow. No matter what anyone else says. Even if it is in small doses until it can support you, just do it. No compromising. No apologizing. You will thank yourself someday.

3. Facing your fears, no matter how big or little they are, is the single hardest thing you will ever do, and the one thing that will make you more successful than you ever could have dreamed...in love, in life and in your career. 

4. Your biography IS your biology. Every emotion you stuff, every resentment you hold onto, every time you let someone walk over you and you neglect to stand up for yourself. Every time you lack integrity and all of  the  shame that you hide WILL come out somewhere. Usually in the form of illness someday. 

RELEASING IS HEALING IN ADVANCE.

5. Prince Charming isn't coming. He isn't riding up on a white horse to sweep you off to the castle spa.

Learn to support yourself, respect yourself and honor yourself before you let someone be your partner.

Find someone who has done the same. Marriage won't be easy, but they will be a lot harder if you are afraid all the time. 

6. Every mistake you have made, every painful thing that has happened to you, every scar, every tear, every bad boyfriend and toxic friend is not bad luck or bad timing.  You are not your failures. 

Your failures have been powerful lessons. They are gifts if you let them be. They will make you who you  were meant to be.

7. Gratitude is the ONLY way to live. Be grateful for your family, even if it is messed up. Be grateful for your friends even when they let you down. Be as grateful for messes and your are for miracles. Be grateful for your blessings and your banes...everything has a purpose. That purpose is God's lesson for you. 

8. The sooner you learn to like who you are, the sooner you will be happy.  You're stuck with you.  Might as well enjoy the ride together.

9. People will disappoint you, fail you, not live up to your expectations and wishes. They will hurt you,

make you mad, make you crazy.  They are doing the best they can with where they are.  

AND

usually, what pisses you off so much about them, isn't really about them anyway...

it's about you.

Think on that...

10. And last, but certainly far from least...please, please, please know that you all ready have it inside of you. Everything you need is all ready there. God is there. Stop beating yourself up, start quieting your mind, and let the answers bubble to the surface. They will if you trust. 

That perfect soul of yours is waiting for you to let it out. 

All you have to do is open the door.

Oh, what I would have given to get these things at 20, or 30, or even 40.

Even now, I think I am starting to learn a thing or two about life, and surely I will forget most of these things from time to time.

We ARE only human.

I wish we didn't make it so complicated when it is really so easy.

But then again, our human existence is all about learning.

If we aren't learning, we aren't growing.

If we aren't growing, we are dead.

So to that 20 year old I say...

You probably won't listen, and most likely you will have to learn all these things for yourself.

It might take a few years or it might take a lifetime.

Either way, that is exactly how it is supposed to be.