Mother's Day?

My friends...

I will not be winning any mothering awards this year.

Let's be honest...I was never even in the running.

My children have been annoyed by me, upset with me, and, on more than a few occasions,

have probably hated me.

I have yelled at them. I have cursed behind their backs at them.

(I whisper it to myself so they can't hear, but it's not very nice...half credit?)

I have pretended not to hear them when they call me to get them something.

I have forgotten to make them lunches.

I have opted out of chaperoning field trips, and complained that they are 

ungrateful to my friends.

Nope. No awards for me this year.

But...

I have ached for them when they are hurting.

Sat in rain and spitting snow under fleece and plastic

(not a good look for me) to watch them play sports,

rubbed their backs late at night, and spent more hours waiting in a car for them that I think I spent in college.

I have hugged them when they cried, told them I loved them over and over,

and prayed for them every day.

Not even that is going to get me that award.

That...that is the easy stuff.

What, then, is the hard stuff?

The hard stuff 

is the hundreds of millions of times I have agonized over decisions I was making for them.

Is it right or is it wrong?

Is it selfish or selfless? Character building or character damaging?

Will they thank me someday or thank their therapist?

Every day I have these decisions.

Help them through their frustrating math problem or let them work through it on their own?

Rescue them or let them learn the lesson that comes from consequences?

Love them and reassure them or love them and let them go?

When to hover and when to hold back.

When to be the crutch and when to kick it out from underneath them and let them stumble but eventually walk on their own two feet?

And then...as if that isn't insanity-making enough,

add in worrying about what all the other mothers think about what you are doing.

Or worse, the one's who tell you what you are doing wrong or right.

 That my friends, is the real stuff of parenting.

The stuff that keeps you up at night.

The stuff we've got to ease up a bit on ourselves about.

One of my favorite sayings of late comes from those funny cartoons that are all over Facebook and Pinterest

(yes, my children have also been on my case about my social media addiction FYI)

It says something like,

"I will love you and nurture you, and give you just enough dysfunction to make you funny"

What does it say that both my children have a rather wicked sense of humor?

On this Mother's Day, I will be sitting at a weekend-long soccer tournament

(that I just found out about at 11pm last night...missed an email somewhere.)

I will get no glory.

I will get no thank you's from the coaches for sacrificing the one day a year that is supposed to be all about me.

There will be no tiaras and no band. 

No, I will be sitting on the sidelines of yet another game, watching my son play.

I may have a teensy moment of annoyance because I would rather be planting flowers and reading on the deck.

But then I will get a giant dose of perspective.

This is all a privilege.

All of it, and it is fleeting.

Just sit back and enjoy the game sister.

Let's go easy on ourselves girls...the kids will be okay.

Heck, they will probably be better for it.

Happy Mother's Day