The Mirror Has Two Faces

I had a wonderful lesson in friendship this weekend

Often, I feel like everything tells us girls that our women friends

need to constantly lift us up, make us feel good about ourselves,

boost our egos and listen to our drama without judgement.

That does make a pretty good friend, I must say

But

what about the friend who helps you look in the mirror

to see your face from her point of view.

The one who keeps you honest, even when you aren't being honest with yourself.

The one who calls you on your crap, let's you know you arent' really fooling anyone

with your facade, and who isn't going to let you 

keep lying to yourself.

I can see what you are thinking

eeeck! toxic friend!

And, yes, some of them are.

But what would you think if I told you that a true soulmate

isn't the person who you always groove with,

the one where everything is in sync and you finish each other's thoughts.

What if I told you that your  REAL soulmate

is put in your path to show you the lessons you need to learn in this lifetime.

The person who is strong where you are weak, and weak where you are strong.

The one who you disagree with hurt each others feelings, even if it 

wasn't intentional.

What if that true soulmate, or friend

sometime made you a little bit crazy.

WE 

are all each other's teachers

Makes you think a little bit differently about your reltationships

doesn't it.

What if tomorrow,

you looked at your more difficult relationships

(not abusive, mind you...in that case run fast in the opposite direction)

and you saw those people as teacher's

that God has intentionally put on your path

so you could learn your life's lessons.

So you could see your other reflection in the mirror

It's Not You...It's Me

I was somewhat publicly "dissed" on Facebook recently.

It felt like Junior High all over again...

you know, that instant reaction where you feel it right between your gut and your heart.

The one that makes you want to shrink into a little hole of darkness and not 

come out for, say, a year.

I hate that feeling...

Thank goodness we didn't have Facebook and Twitter and text messaging when I was going through school.

It's hard enough to help a 13 year old navigate it.

And the thing is...the person who did it is not entirely wrong.

I kinda get where they were coming from.

Doesn't make it hurt any less...

So the question for me was...how to react?

I was hurt...that kind of hurt that feels like embarrassment and  shame.

And shame is the worst of all of the feelings, in my opinion.

I was pissed...that kind of mad when you want to say

"You got a problem with me, talk to me about it 

(or at least private message me on Facebook, don't do the transparent passive-aggressive public post)"

Say something or let it go...that is the question.

Obviously, I am not letting it go because I am writing about it...

however, my caveat is that I am writing about letting go, 

so maybe you can give me  half-credit.

In all of my meditation  and spiritual work over the past  few years

I have studied, read, prayed and meditated on letting go...

letting go of fears, letting go of resentments, letting go of all the rocks I have been carrying 

around in my backpack that have weighed me down for a long, long time,

and that weren't really mine to carry in the first place...

(special thanks to my sister for giving me that gem of a mental picture...I use it all the time)

I'm doing pretty well, thank you very much!

But as life goes...just when you think you have it figured out,

the universe likes to give you a little "test"

You think you've let go...okay let's just see...

Zing! Ouch!!!!

Can I control what someone else says? Nope.

Can I control what they do? Nope.

(which really bites when you are a parent!).

Are they wrong? Not necessarily and it's a matter of opinion...

Can I control how I react? BINGO!

Crap, this is hard!

So, my reaction is this...

It's really none of my business.

Even though there is a part of me that would love to send back a snarky remark,

or get all jacked up and speak my peace (which wouldn't really be very peaceful)

...what would that really accomplish?

Would I feel better? Maybe for a minute or two, I'm not gonna lie...but it wouldn't last.

And I have learned that getting defensive doesn't suit me very well.

Plus it causes frown lines and wrinkles and even though I have stuff for that,

no need to encourage them. :)

It's none of my business how someone else feels,

unless I have purposely done something to make them feel bad.

It's none of my business what someone else does, 

or who agrees with them, 

What is my business is how I choose to respond,

and how I choose to treat my fellow man.

In this case, it IS all about me.

I have decided to adopt a little something that my daughter wrote

yesterday as she was making anti-bullying posters for her homeroom project.

She's been dealing with some of her own drama 

typical middle school girls stuff, made worse by the invention of 

text messaging, and still she gets it better than I do!

"Words can hurt or words can heal. What did your words do today?"

Kids are smarter than we are sometimes, aren't they...

My healing words today?

Heal some people with your words today, friends...

it's the only way to live.

The Education of a Lifetime

Willing to experience aloneness,

I discover connection everywhere;

Turning my face to fear,

I meet the warrior who lives within me;

Opening to my loss and pain and ignorance,

I remember who I am and what I am here for;

Surrendering into emptiness,

I find fullness without end.

Each condition I flee pursues me,

Each condition I welcome transforms me

and becomes itself transformed

into the blessing it always was.

-Jennifer Welwood

Read it again. Let it sink in...

I know, right.

If I could have written anything that describes the massive shift in thinking and the 

learning I have had over the past few years, 

this is it.

This is everything.

I wish I had written those words, but I know I never would have gotten them quite as right as

Jennifer Welwood did.

I wish I could thank her

because I intend to read this poem every day and make it

my mantra.


What have I learned?
I have learned to meditate 
(my husband is so rolling his eyes right now, but it is both one of the most difficult and the most natural things I have ever done)
I have learned to listen to myself and trust my gut
because the gut never lies.
I have learned that it is okay not to please everyone
and its even okay to not please anyone
if you are being true to yourself
I have learned that everything really does happen for a reason
and hard times make you better
if you let them.
I have learned to take every experience in my life as an 
education.
I have learned that even though it is harder than anything I have ever done,
letting my children experience losing, hate, disappointment, grief, hurt
and consequences
will help them grow and become empathetic and mature adults
(I hope)


I have learned that I believe in karma
and that belief is what gives me integrity.
I have learned that resentments and anger
are carnivores who eat you alive
and forgiveness is your only saviour.
I have learned that we are not alone,
that we are loved more than we could ever imagine
by a God who wants us to find
our true selves by walking our own path
even if that path is long and twisty and full of roadblocks.
I have learned to believe in signs, that there are no coincidences,
and that the greatest love you can have
is the love you have for yourself.


But most of all,
I have learned
that although there are no guarantees and that we will all hurt, struggle,
fall and bleed...
it is our choice whether we
suffer.

Spare Me The Drama

Sooo...I am not even sure how to start this or what to write. How's that for a good blog post!!

Maybe it is because I have a 13 year old daughter

that the whole subject of girls and drama keeps coming up

I was explaining to my daughter (much to her annoyance)

about girls and drama and she could not have been less interested

which I totally get

Surely, if my own mother had tried to spew her years of wisdom all over me at that age 

I would have done the same thing.

But I  kept thinking about the conversation

and how I am fascinated that as women

we still have the ability to create middle school drama

even at our ages, with all that we have learned.

(Trust me, I am so not sitting on a high horse here...I am as guilty as the rest of us)

I have been on quite a spiritual journey over the past three years...

That kind of happens when your life as you know it completely turns on its ear and 

everything you thought you knew, could count on, and all of your security

is suddenly gone.

I am 180 degrees from where I was then, and I wouldn't go back for anything...

yet, I can still sling some drama around when I want to.

And I don't even LIKE drama!

WHY do we DO it?

I AM 44, but I can only take this hormone thing for so many rides around the block before the wheels come off

and I am not allowed  drive it anymore.

So what is it besides that that turns us wonderful, accomplished, spiritual,

self-adjusted women into

snarky middle schoolers at the drop of a catty remark?

I hear it all the time...women my age

taking offense, being "disturbed", jumping to conclusions...and on and on and on and on....

Maybe we all need to chill ( no really)

and think about this a minute

Wouldn't it be a much happier place to live in a drama-free world?

Because,really, we create it ourselves. 

It never really is about the other person...its about US

where we feel we are lacking, where we are afraid we are weak, 

how we fear being discovered...
You get that, right?
It's about US
And when other women, girls...cripes, even husbands, are dramatic,
It's about THEM.
THEM, not YOU
IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU
If I had been armed with that knowledge in middle school...
Heck, if I had figured that out a year ago it would have been nice.
Stop taking everything so personally girls...


This play has dragged on long enough
and I am ready to tear down the set and
move on to the cast party...

HUMBLE...with a capital H

I am not often truly humbled...

Today I am HUMBLED.

It takes a lot of years to learn the lessons I have learned in life.

I wish I had learned so many of them earlier...it would  have saved me so much pain,

but then again, I would not have learned the lessons

were it not FOR the pain.

All the mistakes, the wrongs I have done,

the people I have hurt, the people who have hurt me...

the disappointments, the disasters,

the really, really hard lessons,

the fear and the fallouts

They were all necessary to get me to here.

Each one of them has been a part of my personal, monogrammed path

to the person I am today.

How I wish this girl was perfect!

Alas...she is not. She is a FAR cry from 

PERFECTION...

She is a little more weathered than perfect, 

but thanks to good skincare, she has masked that a little :)

What she is...after all of of the 

quizzes and tests of life

the A's and B's and F's

is 44 years of 

GRATEFUL.

I like Facebook (okay...some might say I am slightly addicted...Ty...)

it's a lot of good things...

but, by far, the best of Facebook is the 

birthday greetings from friends far and wide.

I am unbelievably humbled as I read the messages from people I 

love and admire...and some I only know slightly.

And I realize that what it is 

ALL ABOUT

in this messed up world we live upon

is LOVE AND GRATITUDE.

so I say 

THANK YOU

to everyone who has crossed my path,

to those of you who have been my teachers

in the school of life. 

to those who have showed me what love is,

and even to those who have shown hate, resentment and disgust

you have all been a part of the lessons

of 44 years of one little life.

If I have

ONE WISH

today

It is that you take a look at your life

Take stock of the good, the bad and the ugly...the blessings and the banes

and realize everything has been a lesson

 have gratitude for every part of it

EVERY PART

For every one of those things has made you who you are today.

And today, you all ROCK!

Okay.... I will stop before the sappiness is RUNNING off of me :) 

Blessing dear friends.  

Sometimes I have an inner struggle with what I do for a career and what I believe in for myself.

Everything I do for my career has to do with 

OUTER BEAUTY

clothing and skincare (abeit, GREAT clothing and amazing skincare)

Everything I believe about my life, my friends and my family

is that more important than anything we must have 

INNER BEAUTY

faith...spirituality...peace...self-love...generosity...compassion...

Am I a total hypocrite? Unbelievably shallow?

 I would like to think not, but trust me...I have ahead a few conversations with myself about this very thing.

How can I do what I do and believe what I believe?

Well...I am a firm believer that the most beautiful people are shining their light from the inside.  You know what I am talking about...those people who seem to glow...who may not be model-worthy, or stunning, but who have that something that you can't pt your finger on, that makes them

well, beautiful.

Then there are those who have beauty inside them, but they just don't know it yet. They have let their outsides determine how they feel on the inside. They are hiding their inner and their outer beauty behind bad skin, or unflattering clothes because they can't see it for themselves.

Or

they feel so bad about their outsides that they don't think anyone would care about their insides.

Then there are the rest

The ones who everyone else looks at as fairly put-together, capable and good-hearted...

but who let small things about our appearance become excuses for why they are not engaging fully in the world.

Admit it...you have had a pimple...a bad hair day...a "nothing to wear day"

and you have let it affect your entire mood. you have let it ruin your day.

I know you are not proud if it! I'm not either!

And we all do it!

Am I saying that a fab new jacket will change your life, or wrinkle-fighting cream will

make you the Queen of Sheba?

Nope...that would be totally pathetic and shameless pandering for sales on my part.

Not gonna do it.

What I AM saying is that we need to stop letting these things be excuses for not being our best selves.

If you don't like something...you OWE it to yourself, to the UNIVERSE to figure out what it is. If it is holding you back there is 

NO SHAME 

in doing something about it.  WE are real people here. 

As much as I admire Mother Theresa 

(she is truly one of my heroes)

I am NEVER going to be that selfless...I am ALWAYS going to want that pair of jeans that makes my ass look amazing. Let's be real...

Because I know that realistically...

when I feel good, I am good.

I feel amazing.

I have confidence...I am suddenly a hyped-up version of my normal self and 

stepping out of my little zone of comfort

is an adventure rather than an anxiety trip.

Even more...I FEEL that I have a purpose

 (and we ALL do dear girls! There are  no accidents...you are HERE for a REASON and the you who is hiding behind those excuses is keeping you from finding your true purpose on this earth!)

Now...I FULLY realize that at this point I may be losing some of you. 

am I saying that to feel good you need to have a size 6 little fanny that looks like 

Jennifer Aniston in a pair of jeans?

(I know you are thinking that!!)

NOOOOO!!!

Trust me.. one of the most beautiful women I know is a size 16.

She is gorgeous...stunning... on the inside and the outside and she

GLOWS...always.

Ask my husband...he thinks so too...

this is not about size, so don't go there!

The message here??

Do whatever little thing you have to do

whether it is hair, or makeup

or skincare or clothes

running a 5K, reading a book, eating well

praying, meditating

or even getting  a tattoo

Whatever it is...

IT IS NOT

superficial...flighty...shallow...weak...conceited

or materialistic.

And it is not little...

IT IS ESSENTIAL!!!

It's your doorway.

It's your gateway...opening up to the path... to the

BE YOU iful

YOU who lives behind the skin.

SHINE THROUGH

The Universe wants your best self to 

STEP UP. JOIN IN.

MAKE A DIFFERENCE.

We'll notice!!

You are amazing, dear girl. 

Let your light shine!

Fear Of Flying

I fell in love with this quote by Marianne Williamson a few years ago.  It is a great quote, and I love what it says...but how easy is it, really? I mean, YOU BET..Who am I NOT to be gorgeous, talented and fabulous? If only it were that easy!

Welll...I am a 44 year old woman who sometimes feels like a 14 year old. Awkward, unconfident, scared of change, afraid to stand out..and on and on and on.

How do we ever really get over this inner middle schooler?

I have one...I can relate to how she feels on many a day...it's just that I can't get away with it any more!

FEAR...

I am an expert.

I have perfected the inner dialogue that talks me out of being this fabulous, gorgeous and talented woman.

I have become paralyzed by it. I have done things I am not proud of because if it. I have let it stop me from doing great things and I have let it win too many times.

And I have a pretty ordinary life. One not full of tragedy, one of happiness, most of the time,

but I can't honestly say I am living my best life.

Have I reached my potential? Far from it.

My goal this year is not to fight fear. It is not to overcome it. It isn't to surpress it, to trample it, to get by it or even to let go if it...

instead...

I SURRENDER.

Have I completely lost my mind? Probably...

But...I surrender to my fears, every one of them...

and I

might even

THANK THEM...

for showing me what I need to work on, 

for showing me just where I need to jump...

where I am weak.

my 

BIGGEST FEAR?

What people will think of me.

Totally lame, I know. But how many of us are paralyzed by what we are afraid others will think?

Don't lie to yourself!

you want another one?

Fear of success.

Yep. 

REALLY lame!

Another one...

HUGE fear of lack of financial security.

That one keeps me up at night sometimes.

My dear friend Denise ran a marathon today.

She was sick the entire run. Really sick.

This is a person who says she is going to do something and she ALWAYS does it.

That's just her.  I REALLY admire that quality.

She finds a way...she guts it out.

Earlier today I complimented her for her mental toughness

because she finished the race in spite of how terrible she felt.

Then I sat down to write this and I realized that REALLY what she did is

SURRENDER.

She knew she was not going to feel better until the race was over. She knew she COULD quit and she WANTED to quit. She had all sorts of conversations in her head about why she shouldn't.  She probably could have tried to muscle her way through it

but that would have only made it HARDER.

She SURRENDERED to it. 

I am sure it 

SUCKED.

I am sure I would have quit were I in the same situation.

She surrendered.

She walked some, she ran some, she cried, she thought about all the people she was running for...

and she finished.

She did it anyway. Despite the fear, the pain, and the suck.

What excuse do I have when one of my biggest fears is just what other people will think of me.

They say fear is a great motivator...use it to motivate you to overcome

but that never works for me...

I have decided I have to honor it.  If I fight it, I only give it more power.

And it is powerful enough without my stoking its fire any.

I can feel it's weight on my chest just talking about it.

I will

HONOR FEAR, SURRENDER TO IT, 

WAVE AT IT as I RUN BY,  and SAY A PRAYER or two

 to powers stonger than me to guide me along

then I am going to do what I want 

ANYWAY.

I might even write it a thank you note when it is all said and done.

P. S.  Even bigger fear...posting this on Facebook for everyone to see...so here goes...