I suck at this
and it is the very thing I need to work on.
SPEAKING MY TRUTH
Being no one but who I am..
Being no one but who I am..
(shudder!)
Everything about my upbringing, my Libra personality
my "girl-ness" is about
TACT, SAYING THE RIGHT THING
DOING WHAT IS EXPECTED
BRING A NICE GIRL
CREATING BALANCE
CREATING BALANCE
As women we get really good at the
PERSONA
the image of the do it all perfectly-
then we become wives and mothers,
and the whole thing gets jacked up another notch.
Do you bake those chocolate chip cookies for school treats or did you buy them (holy mother fail!)?
Is your house perfectly organized and picked up all the time,
or do you throw stuff in the hall closet to make it look that way(um...yep!)?
Are you a jean snob (yes), a product junkie (uh huh),
do you make like you have it all together and are hoping desperately that no one finds out your brain feels like that jumble of wires you are hiding underneath your desk (check, check, check).
It takes a lot of work to maintain this girl.
I have spent a lifetime bending and twisting myself into the
pretzel I think other people want me to be.
And...I did it quite willingly,
because I thought that was how to make other people feel
comfortable.
Start speaking your truth a little, and those same people
become uncomfortable...
(Heck...I'M uncomfortable!!)
they want to know what is wrong with you,
why you don't fall in line with everything they think you should be.
You want to know what is wrong with yourself.
Why does it seem like everyone else has it all worked out and you are the only one who dares to admit that you don't.
It can be unnerving, but also unbelievably freeing...
So 2012, I have decided, is going to be the year I live in truth.
Not an in-your-face, rebellious kind of truth,
or a righteous I'm-so-evolved kind of truth,
but a humble, low-key, honest,
day-to-day truth.
I imagine I will have to remind myself each morning that this is
where I want to live...in this truthfulness.
Truth be told :)
it is easy to sit here and make this resolution today,
but in the middle of February, when we all have
long since forgotten our lofty new year's promises,
that is when it will count.
Will I approach the day with honesty, integrity and
practice living in the moment and being as straight-up as possible with myself
and those around me, or will I let it slide and revert back into the people-pleasing and
living up to the persona, like I have so may times before?
It won't be easy, I am certain.
Frankly...it scares me to death.
I will probably have a few demerits on my Truth Report Card,
but I won't apologize for buying cookies, a messed-up closet, or for not being the person someone else thinks I should be...
but I am pretty sure it will be worth it.
Someone far greater than I made me this way for a reason.
Gave me the lessons I needed to learn in this lifetime, and gave me the struggles to learn them.
Truth is...the reward comes from learning the lessons
and honoring the authenticity of your soul.
Who's with me?
then we become wives and mothers,
and the whole thing gets jacked up another notch.
Do you bake those chocolate chip cookies for school treats or did you buy them (holy mother fail!)?
Is your house perfectly organized and picked up all the time,
or do you throw stuff in the hall closet to make it look that way(um...yep!)?
Are you a jean snob (yes), a product junkie (uh huh),
do you make like you have it all together and are hoping desperately that no one finds out your brain feels like that jumble of wires you are hiding underneath your desk (check, check, check).
It takes a lot of work to maintain this girl.
I have spent a lifetime bending and twisting myself into the
pretzel I think other people want me to be.
And...I did it quite willingly,
because I thought that was how to make other people feel
comfortable.
Start speaking your truth a little, and those same people
become uncomfortable...
(Heck...I'M uncomfortable!!)
they want to know what is wrong with you,
why you don't fall in line with everything they think you should be.
You want to know what is wrong with yourself.
Why does it seem like everyone else has it all worked out and you are the only one who dares to admit that you don't.
It can be unnerving, but also unbelievably freeing...
So 2012, I have decided, is going to be the year I live in truth.
Not an in-your-face, rebellious kind of truth,
or a righteous I'm-so-evolved kind of truth,
but a humble, low-key, honest,
day-to-day truth.
I imagine I will have to remind myself each morning that this is
where I want to live...in this truthfulness.
Truth be told :)
it is easy to sit here and make this resolution today,
but in the middle of February, when we all have
long since forgotten our lofty new year's promises,
that is when it will count.
Will I approach the day with honesty, integrity and
practice living in the moment and being as straight-up as possible with myself
and those around me, or will I let it slide and revert back into the people-pleasing and
living up to the persona, like I have so may times before?
It won't be easy, I am certain.
Frankly...it scares me to death.
I will probably have a few demerits on my Truth Report Card,
but I won't apologize for buying cookies, a messed-up closet, or for not being the person someone else thinks I should be...
but I am pretty sure it will be worth it.
Someone far greater than I made me this way for a reason.
Gave me the lessons I needed to learn in this lifetime, and gave me the struggles to learn them.
Truth is...the reward comes from learning the lessons
and honoring the authenticity of your soul.
Who's with me?
You are right on Kelly..I am trying to walk that path as well! I enjoy reading what you have to say. You are a wise, insightful, honest, and beautiful soul....
ReplyDeleteLisa...Oh my goodness, that means more to me than you could ever imagine! I have admired your grace, infectious attitude and graciousness since our college days, so to have you speak those words is so very humbling!
ReplyDeleteOnce again, you inspire me with your eloquence and truth.
ReplyDeleteSave your blogs...I smell a Sex in the City like following with your insights into the lives of women everyone.
Ann...I am HUMBLED by your words! Thank you so much!
ReplyDeleteThis is an awesome post, Kelly. How many times in my 48 years have I been told I'm just...different, wrong; selfish, not selfish enough; not pretty enough and too fat, etc.? As a child, I didn't now any better. As an adult, I seemingly have been inviting the "criticism" -- including "constructive criticism" -- that I'm a pro at doing it to myself. I know I'm not alone.
ReplyDeleteIronically, it has only been in the last decade that I've realized that the pretty, well-dressed, well-educated, with friends galore are just like me. At first, it was a revelation. Now, it just makes me sad. Why do we step away from our inner truth?
Maybe it's because we don't even know what it is??
Food for thought. Great blog!
Carol Reed