Take a Breath

I have long been fascinated by the

idea that in order to see change in our lives we must be willing to completely come apart.

To abandon our old ways and habits and forge a new path.

Often I paid lip service to the idea that

letting go was the way to move forward and improve

but I never really did it.

I read about and talked about living my truth,

but never completely figured out what it meant.

All these things sound great. They make sense and I wanted

so badly to be able to do it, 

but HOW?

I know I have told you I have taken a meditation class.

I take Kundalini yoga, which is a highly spiritual form of yoga.

I spend an hour in our chapel each week doing

Eucharistic Adoration.

An hour of complete silence and contemplation of God.

All of these practices have made me more centered and outwardly focused.

Yet I still struggle with the daily concept of letting go

and living my truth

even though I feel like I live now more than ever before.

I  have a long way to go.

To me, letting go comes with fear... 

losing control of what is comfortable and normal for me.

Letting go means I don't have control of the outcome

insert serious palpitations here

So how do I...do you...practice letting go daily

without becoming a wimpy, dreamy passive noodle?

I mean, I know what it feels like physically when  I am trying to control that which I have no real control over.

It feels tight in my chest.

That's also how I know when I am not being truthful with myself, when I am gripped with fear, and when I am sad.

Funny how all those things evoke the same physical response.

I BREATHE.

Sometimes it take a LOT of long slow, deep breaths to breathe 

space back into my chest...but it works.

 Unconscious breathing is something we do all day, and all night.

Even when we sleep.

But to breathe consciously provides a whole

different physical experience.

(Especially needed at this time of year!)

When I start breathing consciously, I

literally feel like I am coming up from being held under water.

I see more clearly.

The brain fog lifts and my mind stills.

I feel peace, I find gratitude, I release resentments

Even if I have to do it over and over again each hour of each day

this is how I am learning to let go, to be true

to come apart (from myself for a moment) and rebuild.

With that weight lifted, I can be better, do better,

step out of my comfort zone 

(my oh so comfortable, warm and cozy, zone)

and be who I am meant to be...

.

One breath at a time.