Good Friending

I have friends of all kinds.

Friends who are always there for me,even when I disappoint them.

Friends I can not talk to for years, but call at the drop of a hat.

Friends who feed my soul and spirit, 

and friends who are just plain fun.

The common denominator?

Unending support and positive energy.

I am lucky that way.

Don't get me wrong...I have had my share of friends

who chewed me up and spit me out.

Fortunately it has been a long, long time since I have 

played that friend game.

To me,

friendship means, simply, lifting each other up.

Realizing that the petty jealousies, the things that

supposedly "offend" you about the other

(please don't get me started on the whole "I'm offended" thing)

are really, and only, about you.

Not them.

It takes so little to be kind.

It eats you up to be envious and cruel.

Yes, cruel.

To me, cruel is a harsh sounding word for things people do every day

to so-called friends.

Back-handed compliments and passive aggressive comments.

Cruel is "unfriending" someone and not telling them why, but making sure everyone else knows.

Telling them what "bothers" you about them and what they are doing.

Or being nice to their face and turning around and ripping them to shreds behind their back.

OMG...are we in Junior High again? 
Cruel is injecting your past issues and hurts into the relationship and expecting them to fix them for you
and being angry at them when they don't.
Taking your self-loathing and disappointments and blaming them for them somehow.


In full disclosure...I know I have done some of this in the past.
I am not sitting on any high horse here.
Maybe I didn't know any better, or maybe I did but I didn't know
how to DO any better.


I have found that my world is a much happier place when I think and act abundantly for all.
When I assume no motives and believe everyone is doing the best they can given what they have been given.
Naive? Maybe.
But I will take naive over pessimism and suspicion any day.


We all have expectations and old wounds that we project onto our
current relationships. 
We all take things personally that were never personal
in the first place.
And that is what gets us into trouble.
Causes all of our heartache.
Causes all of our pain an poor self-esteem.


Sure, I may get hurt and trampled on from time to time.
Sure friends may be mean and nasty.
Hurt my feelings and snuff out my spirit some.


But I know that is really their own pain and it has little to do with me.
It gives me some compassion for their struggle,
and reminds me to balance the scales
by choosing grace and gratitude.


It's a short life we have...
We can choose our experience here...good or bad.
We can't always control what happens, but we can choose
how we live through it.


I am choosing the good stuff...
Here's to good friending.